Goldfish.

I've changed quite a bit over these years. A lot of people have. I know, and it's not because those people and I don't talk anymore - no, it's because we find things in our lives that are worth living for and leave the many things that were supposed to leave behind. Most of my days consist of comprehension. I'm a very deep thinker. I've always known this about myself, but it's become more relevant over the years that my soul has grown into what it has.

I've learned so many elements about myself. It's really quite fascinating... picturing myself 14, moving to a new world in which everything would soon change. Now here I am, since aged 7 years and sitting on my sofa and smiling at my life. But still, I find that now I ask myself the ultimate question.. "What have you done, Kaylee?"

It's not just tonight in which I ask myself this question. It's very often really. But every time I try and answer it, I find it's impossible. Because it's not about what I've done, it's about what I will do.

I know myself pretty well. Enough to know that when I meet someone new I can hurt myself if I'm not careful. There have been many tragedies in the past, yes. One most recent in which I feel very bad about. It was easy for me to become someone even I didn't recognize. What's even worse is knowing that I hurt myself more than I hurt that person. They don't talk to me anymore, but somehow I don't believe it was my fault. Did I love you, or was I scared of being alone? What have I done?

I find that I take a long time to make decisions. Am I this? Am I that? Life scares me, but if I'm afraid there will never be a future. Why am I so scared of what I can have?

I know I can't do everything at once. I can't let the feeling of overwhelming-ness get to me. There is a time for all things. Yes, apathy is boring, but I'm not saying that I don't care. I do. I just have so many things floating in my mind all at once that it's hard to keep one thing in place at a time. My brain isn't compared to a cleanly filing cabinet of memories and ideas. It's an old, giant desk in which everything that has entered my head rests ever so sloppily. It's remarkable. It's mine.